pollyanna

Although anger is common in the abused female, it is frequently pushed into the unconscious at the time of the abuse; when the abused becomes aware of her anger, it frequently has become rage. Women who were sexually abused as children grow up repressing anger; as a result they may enter adulthood totally unaware of the rage that lies within them. She further suggested that those who have been most affected by such abuse may be unable to verbalize their pain and anger.

Child sexual abuse is a violation that affects every aspect of a child's life. Trusting relationships may be brought into question for a child once sexual boundaries have been violated. Children's perceptions of the world and those around them become distorted as a result of this trauma. Blume further described the violation:

Then imagine it as constant, unpredictable but inevitable . What sense of control over your life would you be able to salvage? The lesson is, why try? Why even use your voice if it is never heard? The child's life becomes like the nightmare that many of us have had: We're in danger, we open our mouths to scream for help, and nothing comes out.

Anger is unexpressed by sexually abused children, who fear reprisal or fear that love will be withheld.(Blume, 1990).

Some survivors of childhood sexual abuse are unable to recognize and accept their anger. Others act out their anger over and over by displacing or projecting it, or they may overreact in situations that do not warrant an anger response (Blume,1990).

According to Maltz (1991), sexual abuse can affect survivors' ability to establish and maintain healthy sexual relationships in adulthood. A definition of child sexual abuse given by DePanfilis (1987), which included "a wide range of mistreatment, from fondling and exhibitionism, to rape, or exploitation through prostitution or pornographic materials" (p. 1) that was used for the purposes of this study.

Blume (1990) defined rage as "the emotional consequence of entrapment, abuse, and a lifetime of protests that couldn't be made, of anger that could not be let out" (p. 141). Withdrawal from the situation was a way for these women to internalize rageful feelings.

The rage gets triggered when I feel safe enough to allow it to be out. It's more like I'm in control, because I made the situation happen to where I am having boundaries put on me, and then the boundaries, and that safety of having those boundaries with someone I feel safe with and care about is what triggers it (rage) . . . It's like having someone to provide me with boundaries and someone I know that's not going to hurt me, and then it somehow gets confused, and it triggers that anger, aggression, and rage, and it gets fully expressed. It's a sort of out of-control fighting, and fighting back, and physically expressing it though. . . with someone who feels safe. That triggers it more than anything.

According to learning theory (Bandura, 1977), such early experiences taught them a new way to think about themselves, intimate relationships, trust, and safety. As children they had to incorporate this new information with an altered view of their world and adjust their behaviors to attempt to protect themselves. Some of the behaviors that resulted may have had short-term benefits, but others were unhealthy and compromised their ability to relate to the rest of the world as adults.

In some way, all the subjects learned to control their emotions to survive.

Anger directed outward was not possible for the subjects as children. They learned to channel this anger in different ways as it became more intense and as they grew older. Some directed it toward themselves in the form of self-harm while others acted it out in unstable, intensely self-destructive relationships; and still others displayed symptoms of mental illness.

Although all the subjects involved in this study were presently in some form of treatment, insight comes slowly, and as Herman (1992) wrote, distortions are not easily or quickly changed by new corrective experiences. Each of the subjects lived through many painful experiences as an adult before she was able to incorporate new insights and institute behavioral change.

Painter, Susan G. Rage and Women's Sexuality After Childhood Sexual Abuse: A Phenomenological Study. Perspectives in Psychiatric Care. January-March 1999

Trust is a crucial issue for many
survivors throughout their lives. They
were betrayed by the very people
who cared for them, who insisted
they loved them even while abusing
them. Often, a sense of a just world is
denied children who are sexually
abused. Learning to trust can be next
to impossible under these
circumstances.(14)

Dissociation refers to the ability to
escape stressful or harmful situations
by creating another place for the
mind to go. The intense pain of
sexual abuse creates a situation
where the victim, in order to cope, must try to dissociate from her body
to leave the situation the only way
she can. In simpler terms, it can be
described as a type of daydreaming, a
need to find a place for the mind (and
ultimately one’s self) to hide while
being sexually abused.(17)

Multiple personality is
described as the process of dividing
one’s self up into many different parts
to handle the many painful
experiences of the past.(18)

Coping mechanisms can also be
described as Survival Strategies. These
strategies have been utilized by
survivors in the past, or they are using
them at present to help numb the pain
of the abuse. They are also used to
control feelings, which may threaten to
overwhelm survivors.

National Clearinghouse on Family Violence (Canada)

dare to wander, allow all of the wonder

some days...great encouragement can come from the face of a childhood hero

3 times per 10 minutes of conversation

Learned to ride!! New confidence achieved!

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands...
as the darkness pulls the strings


Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It's a slow fade
When black and white turn are turned to gray
and thoughts invade
choices made
A price will be paid
When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flatter turns to compromise
The end is always near

Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

The journey from your mind to your hands is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you'll stand, you might just be sinking

It's a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It's a slow fade
When black and white turn are turned to gray

People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

- Casting Crowns

numb

soul searching between sheets
crawling among shadows
with an unbounded hunger that knew no feed
the reflection in the mirror indescribable
a stranger looking back
melancholy and pale
what happened to me
this revolving door she chose to operate
a beauty who allowed others to berate
incurable measures haunt me
have she yet sealed her fate?
I am not yours, she tirelessly screams
but little do her meek voice and abandoned body illustrate
I know, I know... this language seems foreign to me
community property at high rate
as simple as, would you pass the plate?
broken is the mirror
we smile at shattered glass
this soul robbing revolving door
stopped at last

I have always felt kindred to Amelia Bedelia. She could take the simplest of tasks and complete them in the most adventurous, unorthodox way. There were many story book characters that were heroes, inspiring our creative imaginations.

Amelia gave me confidence as kid to know that even if something was done differently, that it was okay. Coincidentally, I had a grade school teacher who reinforced this message with 'everyone has the ability to learn, we just learn in different ways' giving a little girl with severe mathematical challenges confidence to know that even if a simple task, or a math problem, took two hours too long to solve...it was okay, because come hell or high water, I would identify a method that would work for me.

Looking at the world through Amelia's eyes, there was no 'wrong' way...just a different way. Even as an adult I think fondly of this character; her eccentric and peculiar spirit I continue to embrace with open arms.

Life is like a box of chocolates...

For more than a dozen reasons do I enjoy the film (particularly this scene where a past is confronted) but nevertheless for that simple metaphor above. Though, if you keep eating out of the same box, you'll always know what you're gonna get.

I realize that we have celebrated several holidays since the last entry, but as promised, the results of our 99 cent Christmas holiday include the following:

USB plug lava lamp
delicious box of chocolates
beautiful picture frames
the perfect journal
great reads

...I know there is more, but unfortunately my short term memory does not allow me to recall all the wonderful goodies we exchanged Christmas morning. If anyone is considering a 99 cent Christmas, Hanukkah, or any other gift giving celebration with a budget in mind, beware...you may doubt yourself or the great love you have for your loved ones as you approach the register at the 99 Cent Store. My encouragement to you, is hold that head high! March to the register with pride and remember, no matter how costly, beautifully wrapped, or creative the gift may be - the simple fact is whether it's 99 cents or 99 dollars...it's about spending time with those you love.

Bottom Line.

When Big Lots is no longer in your budget...

When my mom was growing up, her father would take she and my aunts out to eat occasionally at a local eatery. My grandfather would challenge the girls with "who can eat under a dollar?" My mom said this worked for awhile, but eventually they caught on. My grandfather built the home they lived in, provided what was needed, and 'extras' were given sparingly. He was frugral, but placed more worth in a dollar than most.

This holiday, my family and I are adapting this same challenge.

Reasons include:

1. It will be a fun, creative challenge
2. We have everything we need
3. We aren't super materlistic people
4. Penny saving - it just makes sense
5. Gifts don't define our love
6. Penny saving - it just makes sense
7. Penny saving - it just makes sense

Excluding children, the adults have been challenged to only purchase a gift up to $1.00. This challenge is much more difficult than any I have encountered before.

What have we been able to come up with??

Update to follow after the New Year :)

Sometimes, even Harold "Billy" DeLong has to yield to Russian tanks. America's oldest working union waiter has planned to travel to the Republic of Georgia in August to serve at an education camp for diabetic children, which the 87 year old Queens, N.Y., resident had done the previous three years. But the camp closed in the shadow of the Russian military invasion of Georgia. So instead, DeLong known to those he serves as "Uncle Billy" will travel to Vietnam in December to help feed children.

My motto is, "Service above self," says DeLong. He waits tables at some of New York's luxury hotels as a member of Local 6 of The Hotel Employees and Restaurant Employees International Union, after "retiring" in 2002 from a career that included military intelligence work behind the Iron Curtain.

DeLong uses money he makes from working 50 to 70 banquets a year to pay for his humanitarian trips to places such as India and Africa. He also tended to Hurricane Katrina victims. Because of his volunteer work, the New York City Rotary Club appointed him traveling ambassador.

"No matter how older you are, you can get out and help others."

By Joe McGavin
November 1, 2008
From the AARP Bulletin (print edition)

Photo by taken by TaylorChristianJones Photography

Spectacular Sky Scene Monday Evening

Every once in a while, something will appear in the night sky that will attract the attention of even those who normally don't bother looking up. It's likely to be that way on Monday evening, Dec. 1.

A slender crescent moon, just 15-percent illuminated, will appear in very close proximity to the two brightest planets in our sky, Venus and Jupiter. People who are unaware or have no advance notice will almost certainly wonder, as they cast a casual glance toward the moon on that night, what those two "large silvery stars" happen to be? Sometimes, such an occasion brings with it a sudden spike of phone calls to local planetariums, weather offices and even police precincts. Not a few of these calls excitedly inquire about "the UFOs" that are hovering in the vicinity of our natural satellite.

Very bright objects

Venus has adorned the southwestern twilight sky since late August. No other star or planet can come close to matching Venus in brilliance. During World War II, aircraft spotters sometimes mistook Venus for an enemy airplane. There were even cases in which Venus drew antiaircraft fire.

Earthlit ball

A very close conjunction of the crescent moon and a bright star or planet can be an awe-inspiring naked-eye spectacle. The English poet, critic and philosopher, Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834) used just such a celestial sight as an ominous portent in his epic, "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner." In addition, there are juxtaposed crescent moon and star symbols that have appeared on the flags of many nations, including Turkey, Pakistan, Malaysia, Algeria, Mauritania, and Tunisia.

Also on Monday evening, you may be able to see the full globe of the moon, its darkened portion glowing with a bluish-gray hue interposed between the sunlit crescent and not much darker sky. This vision is sometimes called "the old moon in the young moon's arms." Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) was the first to recognize it as what we now call "earthshine."

Keeping it all in perspective

Keep in mind that this head-turning display of three celestial objects crowded together will be merely an illusion of perspective: the moon will be only about 251,400 miles (403,900 km) from Earth, while Venus is nearly 371 times farther away, at 93.2 million miles (149.67 million km). Meanwhile, Jupiter is almost 2,150 times farther away than our natural satellite at 540.3 million miles (869.0 million km).

(FULL ARTICLE at Yahoo.com)

Joe Rao
Skywatching Columinst-SPACE.COM
Fri Nov 28, 10:31 am ET

Mariachi Los Camperos de Nati Cano

The Grammy Award-winning Mariachi Los Camperos—under the direction of visionary and traditionalist Nati Cano and comprising of the finest musicians from Mexico—takes the stage for Fiesta Navidad, a rousing Christmas celebration for young and old alike. Lively music and colorful costumes combine for a magical experience as the artists celebrate the traditional fiesta of La Posada (the 400-year-old traditional reenactment of Joseph and Mary's pilgrimage to Bethlehem). The afternoon culminates with an audience sing-along of seasonal favorites and carols, including "Feliz Navidad" and "Noche de Paz" ("Silent Night").

the Kindred Spirit

A little simplification would be the first step toward rational living, I think.

Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think, recognize that the domination of education or of government by any one particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people.

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.

I have spent many years of my life in opposition, and I rather like the role.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn't have the power to say yes.

You must do the things you think you cannot do.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

http://amyjordanprague.weebly.com/blog.html

HELSINKI, Finland - They carry their wives, sit on ants, throw milking stools, boots and cell phones — here in the home of weird world championships, participants will do just about anything to win their offbeat crowns. Normally reserved Finns say there is no better way to celebrate the short summer months than with contests that add a jolt of adrenaline and silliness to bright summer nights.

"Maybe we are a little bit crazy ... maybe we are just bored," said Toni , a sauna-championship spectator from OLE. With foreign visitors growing by about six percent in 2007 and many oddball competitions taking place in distant rural areas, Finland's funny business is also a spur for tourism.

Most of the 50 or so competitions that take place over the three summer months — many billed grandly as world championships — started at summer fairs or as village affairs. But today the top competitions can each attract about 10,000 people to the Nordic country annually to watch or join in, staggering across hurdles with their spouses clinging to their backs or diving headlong into ponds of mud after a soccer ball.

Some events are so popular — swamp soccer, wife-carrying and air guitar — they have prompted other nations to hold their own contests to select who will compete in Finland. Portuguese Olympic cross-country skier Danny Silva said these events bring out the best in the usually somber Finns, letting them goof off, dress up, and poke fun at themselves.

'Bizarre' Silva, who was taking his first stab at swamp soccer in July, said it would have taken a great marketing effort to make such a competition succeed in his home town. "Portuguese players like all the glamour, perfume, look all nice — and here people just get down and get dirty," he said. "This is bizarre, but when you think about it, it makes training so much more fun."

Many of the events allow top athletes to add extra oomph — and fun — to their workouts. They also let them show off their "issue" — the Finnish version of perseverance and guts. Finnish cross-country skiers use swamp soccer to train in the snowlines summer months. Both work the same muscles, but slogging through a mud-soaked field adds an element of fun.

Self-mockery is core to the mix.

Writer Risotto said cell-phone throwing — which originated from Finland's national strength in the sport of javelin throwing — combines recycling philosophy with play.
"The sport is also a symbolical mental liberation from the restraining yoke of being constantly within reach," he wrote in his book "Funny Finnish Pursuits."

Finland, home of mobile phone giant Nock, boasts one of the most mature mobile phone markets in the world, where people pay for pizzas, parking and tram tickets using cell phones.

Wife-stealing roots?
With tongue in cheek, some events purport to have roots further back in history. Organizers say the wife-carrying contest is rooted in the legend of Ronkainen the Robber, who in the 19th century tested aspiring gang members by forcing them to lug sacks of grain or live swine over a similar course. Another notion is that it stems from an even earlier tribal practice of wife-stealing, in honor of which many contestants now take up the challenge with someone else's wife.

Those hundreds of Finns who vie each year to keep their behinds longest in nests occupied by some 40,000 ants are, it is claimed, actually following an ancient health ritual — one which keeps all their senses alive. Boasting few disciplines in which its athletes excel on the global stage — Finland ranked 44th in Olympic medals with four — Finns find victory in finger-wrestling, mosquito-killing or ice golf equally rewarding.

"The tradition started as a big joke," said Arto Murto, manager of the swamp soccer championships. "It's our nature to create fun happenings, probably because our summers are so short." Large parts of Finland are blanketed in near darkness for much of the winter and the weather in spring and fall is often cold and rainy, prompting locals to joke that the country has only two seasons — winter and summer.